Love is pain
by polarbear257
Summary: It's been three months since they returned from the past but will things ever be the same... yes i know shit summary just read the story.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl only the plot for this Fanfiction.**

**Also I'm still in school so don't expect A grade writing here.**

How could he have been so stupid, he lied to her again, after all they had been through he knew she would of helped him to save his mother, that's what friends did but he lied and made her take the blame… and then she had kissed him. He knew then what feelings he had towards her, and he knew nothing could ever happen between them.

So here he was looking in the mirror and only seeing a coward, a liar, he didn't have the right to exist he had seen the hurt in her eyes, when he had confessed that it wasn't her fault but his own. He hated seeing her hurt and it was worse, because he was the reason for that pain.

He continued to stare blankly into his mirror lost in his thoughts, he could end it all right now, no one was home Mother and Father had taken the boys on a vacation, and he had insisted Butler go to make sure they were safe. His hand slowly trailed down the counter, as it glided over the cool metal of the handgun he had taken, from Butler's room, just one pull of the trigger and it could all be over.

But first he had some things to do, he gripped the gun tight as he turned on the spot. He quickly made his way over to his desk and fetched his fairy communicator out of its secret compartment in a false piece of wood on the side, it was a bit simple but simple is sometimes the best.

He exited his room as he wasn't finished he continued down the hall to his study, and but in the codes for all the locks, and with a hiss the hydraulic reinforced 30 inch steel door opened. A pen and paper was all he needed, he just needed to leave instructions for Butler and say a goodbye to them all, and at the bottom he wrote a quick series of symbols, knowing well that Butler could read the fairy writing.

Now it was almost time he left the note in the study knowing Butler would mostly check their for him first when they got back arrived, he set a steady pace down the hall towards the stairs, through the main foyer and out the front door, he of course made sure to lock it behind him. He continued across the grounds towards a cluster of trees.

He kneeled on the ground in front of a tree when he arrived, the gun still clutched in his hand which, hung loosely by his side. In his other he held the communicator, wondering if he should say goodbye he knew Foaly would answer but, he knew Holly wouldn't so what was the point it had been three months since he had, spoken to her as she ignored his calls or any attempts to speak with her, it seemed she just didn't want to know him anymore, and maybe that was for the best.

Because it's hard to miss someone you don't care about. A sigh escaped his lips as he crushed it in his hands, he couldn't risk anyone finding it, he watched the pieces fall from his hands onto the ground and he covered the shards of the fairy technology with dirt.

His hand trembled as he raised it towards his head, and felt a chill from the cold metal resting on the skin of his temple, this was it no going back. Pressing the barrel firmly against his temple, he slowly closed his eyes as his thoughts drifted towards her and a single tear slid down his cheek, he whispered one word before he pulled the trigger "_Holly"_

**If you took the time to read this thank you, if you like please review :3**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Artemis Fowl series.**

**Beta Read by nenya61192 she is amazing and she filled it what was missing so I give most of the credit to her for this chapter. Wouldn't be the same without her. **

To put it simply he was nervous; really nervous, and he couldn't understand why. All systems were running fine, as was the new equipment he had installed. And most importantly, his carrots were in order from smallest to biggest. He brushed off the feeling and quickly ran another diagnostic on his computer system.

Everything running smoothly, Artemis still hadn't cracked his new firewall; he knew he'd finally beat the mud boy. That's when realisation struck him right in the face and it struck hard. It had never taken him this long to crack through it and leave a taunting message on his hard drive that took hours to erase.

Something wasn't right here... A whole month to crack his systems? No... Something had happened. Something must have. He heard a light tap on his door and he almost jumped out of his skin. Who could that possibly be at this time of day? Almost everyone should have been on break.

He checked his monitors and saw Holly's face looking into the camera. "Foaly, I swear if this door isn't opened in the, next 5 seconds, I'll-"

He didn't even give her the chance to finish the threat, which he knew she would carry out. Instead, he interrupted her.

"Good! Holly I need to talk to you about something," he muttered out as he closed the door behind her with a flick of a switch.

"Why do you need to talk to me, is something wrong?" Her expression had immediately changed to a very concerned look.

"Well you see it's about Arte-" He closed his mouth when he noticed the glare she sent his way.

"Don't even mention him here," her words were bitter and dripping with hate.

"Holly," he said softly, treading carefully around her temper. "Don't you think you're overreacting? It's been three months! Why won't you just talk to him?" he said as he opened up some files on his computer. His eyes flickered through them until he found the one he was searching for.

"You don't get it! He lied to me, after all we did and he lied to me…What kind of friend does that?" She sighed and her expression became crestfallen as she continued to speak. "I just thought I meant more to him; that's all."

She was starting to get a little teary eyed now. He had always suspected there was something more than friendship between them, though he couldn't understand why. She refused to accept his apology. He had seen and listened to all the voice mails he sent her, begging for forgiveness and that he was truly sorry he had hurt her.

Some people would say it was an invasion of privacy, but he saw it as protecting those he cared about.

"Holly, he didn't want to but he needed to make sure you would help. He was a kid who was about to lose his mother for the second time; what would you have done in his place?" he raised the question because he knew it would help Holly understand why he did what he did.

Holly swallowed and looked away from him, as though she might burst into tears at any moment. "Well I… I guess I would have done the same," she said quietly. "I can't believe I judged him so harshly. He probably never wants to see me again."

And, at that, tears streamed down her cheeks. "I might never see Artemis again," she whispered.

Foaly felt a sympathetic pang in his chest; hated to see her cry, and he couldn't believe what he was about to do. "Okay. Holly, listen: why don't I give you a visa for a few hours, and you can fly up and go see him to make things right. I'll say you're in here with me helping adjust a few things." He really did hope she would take the offer and make things right.

She looked at him for a minute with a really thoughtful expression on her face; she could go and see him to make sure he was all right. They might even be able to repair what was lost between them.

But what if he hated her and told her to go away and never come back? She almost broke down into tears again at the thought of that. She knew she wouldn't be able to live without him. She had to go see him and at least try.

"Okay," she said with a deep breath. "I'll go see him. Thanks, Foaly; you're a great friend," she said as she moved forward and gave him a hug and a small smile before running out of the ops booth.

She loved it on the surface: wind on her face, the bright, clear, sunny sky. It had been three long, terrible months. Those three months for her had been miserable, and now at long last she'd be able to see him again. A small smile crept on her face at the thought, though she couldn't fight the nervousness that crept in as well.

She slowed down as she approached the estate and activated the thermal on her visor. She looked, but it didn't seem like anyone was home.

That was weird.

The only human-sized thermal signature was in a small forest, near the edge of the grounds. She hovered for a moment, questioning whether or not to go look and see who it was. Her curiosity got the better of her, as usual, and she decided she might as well.

As she approached the trees, a sick feeling started in her stomach, as if something bad was about to happen, and as she stepped into the small forest she saw what caused that feeling. There, in front of her, was a kneeling Artemis, with a gun clutched firmly in one hand. Her eyes widened as she watched the weapon slowly rising towards his head.

Before she could even think or realize what she was doing, she was flying straight at him. She reached him as he pressed the gun against his temple and she could have sworn heard him whisper her name before his finger curled around the trigger.

Crack!

The lone gunshot rang out across the grounds, causing birds in the trees to take flight and rabbits and other woodland creatures to scurry away from the sound.

Silence.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl,**

**I think nenya61192 has disappeared =.=**

Artemis slowly opened his bleary eyes as he looked up at his ceiling; _wait his ceiling?_ Wondering what had happened; he remembered something tackled him from behind, as he pulled the trigger and then everything went black. He assumed he wasn't dead as he doubted if there was a next life it would look like his room.

What he didn't understand was why there was something on top of his chest and why was there a bandage around his head; he slowly lowered his gaze from the ceiling to his chest and what he saw made his eyes widen. There on his chest asleep with a bandage wrapped her shoulder was Holly; he tried to sit up without disturbing her as he contemplated if maybe he was dreaming this.

He quickly concluded he wasn't as he pinched himself and nothing happened, and just sat there his gaze never wavering from her, as he tried to think why she would be in his room in his bed sleeping on top of him. What was more puzzling was why there was a bandage on her shoulder he didn't how she had hurt herself but planned to find out when she woke up; as he slipped out from under her and towards his door.

Scratching his head as he opened it.

He decided he may as well make something for her to eat when she woke up. So as he walked down the hallway past his study towards the stairs he tried to recall what her favourite food was. He thought about it for a few moments almost tripping over his own feet as he got, so lost in his thoughts.

He did remember Holly mentioning that waffles were the greatest thing mud men had ever; made so thought they would most likely the best thing to prepare. He stepped down the stairs loving the feeling of the new carpet Mother had thought would suit to go over it; and he couldn't help but agree when he felt the martial as he reached the bottom he wondered if he should, propose to have it cover the floor as well.

He slowly padded across the wooden floor towards the servant's kitchen which his Mother had re made for family use only. As they didn't have any servants anymore as they didn't host dinner guests anymore.

He tried to remember all the ingredients to make them, so Holly could enjoy something when she woke up.

Holly's eyes darted open as she felt around the bed for Artemis, and she quickly panicked when she couldn't find him. She let out a light gasp of pain as he shoulder throbbed she didn't have enough magic to heal it completely.

She could still feel as the bullet had gone through her left shoulder when she had tackled Artemis. Which was quite unlucky for her, as she only had enough magic to close the wound; and when she had looked at Artemis to see if he was ok she realised he had whacked his head against a rock.

This hadn't made things very easy as she had to drag his body inside, and up that massive stair case; which luckily had a carpet over it as she might have hit his head against it a few times. Then she had to remember which room was his get him into bed and find some bandages for his head and her shoulder.

She guessed she had fallen asleep quickly after as she had no memories of what followed, but that didn't explain where Artemis had gone. She got up and hopped onto a chair she had used to climb onto the bed; and started walking towards the door, looking back at the bed and wondering why anyone needed one that size.

As she walked down the hallways of the second floor already lost and having no clue which way was correct, he stomach started to rumble slightly; as she clutched it realising she hadn't eaten that day yet as she had been late for work, missing breakfast and left at lunch.

She continued to wonder one hand clutched at her stomach until she smelt something, delicious; she couldn't quite place what it was. But whatever it was smelt a hell of a lot like waffles.

As she quickened her pace following her nose down the endless hallways until she came to the stairs, leading down to the main floor. She jumped down them like a kid full of too much energy as she bounded towards to what she believed was the kitchen.

She leaped through the door way and almost gave Artemis a heart attack as he was placing freshly cooked waffles onto a plate, with a can of whipped cream next to it.

"Christ Holly you almost gave me a heart attack"

"Sorry" she replied with a sheepish smile on her face

"Are those for me?" she asked as he eyes sparkled with hunger

"Well that depends on if you tell me why you're here?" he raised one eyebrow as he asked the question he was desperate to know.

Holly looked him straight in the eyes; which was a little difficult as he was 2 feet taller than her.

"Foaly convinced me that I may have overreacted slightly to you lying to me, and I wanted to come make things right. Maybe even better" she whispered the last part as she looked down at her hands shyly.

Her breath hitched when she saw him kneel in front of her so they were at eye level, and placed his hand on her cheek. She could see the tears sparkling behind his eyes as he tried to hold them back.

"So… you're the one who tackled me?" Holly didn't know what to say really fearing he'd be angry so she just nodded her head.

"Thank you" he couldn't help but whisper as he leaned forward and captured her lips with his. Holly's eyes widened in shock and she went ridged at the unexpected kiss.

She didn't know what to do but her body apparently did as it relaxed as his arms encircled her waist, and she started to kiss back. Both started to deepen the kiss as her hands came to rest around his neck and one of his, arms snaked up from her waist to rest on the back of her head becoming entangled with her hair.

Too say Holly was shocked would be an understatement, she couldn't believe Artemis had kissed her or more correctly her Arty had kissed her. She decided she might as well call him that pet name again as their relationship seemed to have been restored; and improved for the better.

What surprised her most was she was sure her first kiss would be clumsy and a bit awkward, but it seemed like their lips were made for each other's. As they parted for air and she looked deep into his eyes; and could see the love he had for her, she couldn't help but feel happiness swell inside her.

"Holly I'm sorry I didn't mean-"

"You finally find something useful to do with your, mouth and you start talking?" Holly asked as she interrupted him as she leaned in to restart there small make out session; right there in the kitchen her waffles completely forgotten.

As they once again pulled back for air Artemis looked right in the eye and whispered in a husky voice.

"Holly I love you, and I'm sorry I hurt you by lying" he said with sorrow clear in his eyes.

A small smile spread across her face as she could tell he was being honest; and she touched her forehead to his as her eyes closed.

"I love you too Arty"

"Now let's see if those waffles taste, as good as your lips" Artemis couldn't help but let a smile spread across his face as he leaned in and pecked her on the lips, before letting her go and devour the waffles. Maybe there was still hope for him.

**Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed it. This isn't the end of this story so stick around. Sorry for any typos.**

**Please leave a review or PM me if you have any questions **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl… do I always have to but this here. And remember to thank my beta nenya61192**

Artemis didn't know if he should be amazed or horrified how quickly Holly devoured the waffles; it was slightly sickening the more he thought about it. But he knew he wouldn't want her to be any other way, even if she lacked certain table manners.

He let out a content sigh as he held her in his arms as she leaned backwards into his chest; as they sat on top of his bed. He lightly traced his fingers in small circles along her sides and across her abdomen.

"Holly" he whispered into her ear

"Yeah Arty" she said back almost in a dreamlike state.

As she loved the feeling of his fingers gliding over her. She tried to snuggle closer to him as she turned on her side to lay her head on his chest; and look up into his eyes.

He slowly raised one hand up to her shoulder and lightly touched it, but quickly pulled back as he saw her flinch in pain.

"How did you hurt yourself I've been meaning to ask, but I got a little distracted…" he slowly trailed off.

"Well when I arrived and saw you, on the ground I… I" she started to choke up as she remembered how close he had been to ending his life.

She let and a shaky breath as she placed one hand over his heart, and gripped the fabric of his shirt tightly in her hand.

"I tackled you and when you… fell forward and fired… the bullet went through my shoulder" she finished without stopping as she buried her face in his chest as tears started to stream down her face.

"Why… why would you do something like that Arty… why" she let the last word as a whisper as she started to sob loudly into his chest.

He felt a pain in his heart knowing he had caused her to be like this, as he placed a reassuring hand on the back on her head. He started to lightly stroke her hair trying to soothe her.

He hated to see her cry.

He took his other hand from her side and placed it lightly on her chin, and raised her face to see her eyes; which were now red and puffy from all the crying. He tilted his head down so he could plant a light kiss on her lips, and withdrew as she started to calm down again.

"Holly it wasn't your fault I… I was about to end my life, it was my own for betraying your trust" he whispered lightly his hot breath cascading along her face causing her lips to tingle lightly.

"Promise me… promise me you'll never think about something like that ever again" she couldn't help but whisper; she didn't know if she could live without him in her life.

"Holly you'll never have to worry about me doing, anything like that as long as your with me" he placed another kiss on her lips as he finished.

He laid down onto the soft mattress bringing her with him, as he once again started to trace small circles along her sides. He continued to look at her as she slowly placed her head against his chest.

Her eyes slowly drifted shut; as he noticed her breathes came in slow equal amounts. He realised she had fallen asleep; a small smile appeared on his face as he continued rubbing her sides. As he wondered why he was lucky enough to have met her.

As he let his head fall against his pillows, he couldn't help but think that he really should send a message to Foaly to see if she could get a little more time up here with him. But that could wait he was exhausted; not the best idea to be up and about with a head wound.

He slowly closed his eyes as he tried to get some sleep.

"I love you Holly" and he was out like a light

A smile spread across Holly's face as she raised her head to look at his face, he seemed so peaceful and innocent when he was asleep. She lowered her head back against his chest as she tried to get a bit more comfortable.

Her eyes slowly drew shut and a small yawn escaped her lips.

"I love you too Arty"

**Sorry it wasn't as long as usual, ill try to get it past 1k for the next chapter.**

**Remember if you like review **


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